Reincarnation


When the contents of Leona Helmsley’s will were revealed and it was shown to have provided a $12 million trust fund for her dog, people were given another reason to wish that if and when they are reincarnated, it would be as a dog of an eccentric billionaire. There was a time when men would like to be reincarnated as dogs solely for the ability to lick one’s own balls. Times, they do change.

Among non-Hindu and non-Buddhist people who believe in reincarnation, practically all claim to be the reincarnation of Cleopatra. That’s quite strange. First, it goes against the whole theory of reincarnation. One soul can only be reincarnated into one other being at one time. In sniper-speak, one shot, one kill.

Secondly, why is it that those who believe that they are reincarnations always have to be reincarnations of great beings? And what have such great beings done that was so egregious that when they were reincarnated, they came back as vacuous, shallow airheads? For once, I’d like to hear someone say “I’m the reincarnation of that ‘propeller guy’ in Titanic.”

It must be frustrating for a nation like Pakistan to go to war with a predominantly Hindu nation like India. Even as Pakistan has already developed nuclear weapons, they haven’t found a way to stop Indians from reincarnating. If ever Pakistan decides to use their nukes against India, the “KABOOOOM” from their bombs would inevitably be followed by “poof” “poof” “poof” “poof” “poof” as the Indians are reincarnated as Indians. Well, maybe if the Pakistanis could provide proof that when Indians are reincarnated they are reincarnated as Pakistanis, their nukes would serve a deterrent purpose.

But I digress.

Since it is doctrinally impossible to have more than one person at the same time to be the reincarnation of one soul, there should be a test to determine who is the real reincarnation of whom. A DEATH MATCH. That would not really be an accurate title since there is no such thing as death in the scheme of reincarnation, it is but a process. First, we gather all those who claim to be reincarnations of the same being. Put them in a ring (ala Thunderdome—all Cleopatras enter, only the real Cleopatra leaves) and let them go at each other. If they truly believe in reincarnation, death shouldn’t be a concern. It’s all in helping along the process.

The Dutch

The Dutch are a peculiar people. They’re probably the only ones with two names recognized as the official name of their country. There’s Holland, and there’s The Netherlands.
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? It’s because they’re actually from The Netherlands.

Growing up in the Philippines (and probably in the rest of the world outside of Holland), I first learned about the Dutch from the story of the Dutch boy who plugged the leaking dike with his finger. Imagine my dismay when I learned much later on that most Dutch people are not even aware of the story. They’re also not aware of the Dutch boy who goes around painting stuff everywhere.

A couple of decades back, while I was a foreign student in California, I was invited by a Dutch immigrant family for my first Thanksgiving dinner. Later on, I found out that I was only invited to Thanksgiving dinner because without me, there would have been thirteen people at the Thanksgiving dinner. With me in attendance, there would be fourteen. Not an unlucky number. Apparently, the Dutch are also superstitious people.

The reason I was thinking about my Dutch Thanksgiving hosts was the news that Communist Party of the Philippines founder Joma Sison had been arrested by the Dutch police. I find this particularly odd. I mean, the Dutch are the most liberal people on the surface of the earth! Marijuana is legal in Holland. Prostitution is legal in Holland. If I remember correctly, even assisted suicide is legal in Holland. That means that you could be smoking a joint while screwing a prostitute and helping a friend “off” himself—and you would not be arrested. If you did that in the Philippines, at the very least, you would be spending a few years in Muntinlupa. The more often consequence is that you would either be executed (“salvaged”) or set up for extortion.

Anyway, to be arrested in Holland could only mean that someone really screwed up royally. Apparently, Joma was arrested on the theory that he ordered the assassination of two former colleagues in the communist movement. As a defense, he could claim that he must have been smoking marijuana when he made the alleged order. And that Romulo Kintanar and Arturo Tabara really wanted to die so he was only assisting them commit suicide. Both of which are perfectly legal under Dutch law.

As a result of Joma’s arrest, the National Democratic Front (NDF) is threatening to call off peace talks with the national government. Didn’t the NDF already call off the peace talks when the Garcillano tapes controversy came out? A threat is only effective if you haven’t done it yet. The NDF said that they were calling off peace talks because they do not recognize the Arroyo administration as a legitimate administration. Well, it’s still the same administration with which they called off the peace talks. They can’t threaten it again with calling off the peace talks as they have already done so. However, given the current administration’s propensity to go back on its word, quien sabes (who knows), as a close friend often said.